Part 1: Osaka’s Auntie Transformed into a Beautiful Girl

Chapter 01: Osaka’s Auntie Transmigrated into the Body of a Beautiful Girl

 

Well, the novel has been decided. Let’s have a fresh start at the end of this April. Thank you everyone for your support! By the way, the author is a former Kansai person who had lived in Kobe for 18 years and Kyoto for 6 years)

Author: Morita Kisetsu

 

“Ah, the large truck that just suddenly appeared was too dangerous, wa… Luckily, I’m not hurt… Hmm? What is this place?”

Haruna slowly became aware of herself, she had been lying down in the middle of a grassy field.

Now that she had sat up, she found herself in a place that was obviously not Osaka’s Tennouji. No matter where she looked, there were no tall buildings or old geezers on bikes. Nothing but swaying green grass in all four directions.

“What’s this? My clothes are the same, but aren’t my voice kind of high now?”

Also, her hands had become strangely delicate and kind of pretty.

All the liver spots were gone. The wrinkles were all gone too.

“What is this, a dream? Isn’t this just too weird, even for a dream, na?”

There was a little pool of water nearby, so she leaned over to take a peek at her reflection.

A young girl’s face blinked up at her.

“Ah! I’ve turned into a high school brat! Wait, isn’t this face just too cute!? Cuter than my real high school self! But, what’s with this ridiculous hair, yan? What’s this weird colour? Am I in a Hollywood movie now!?”

“Wait. Come to think of it—”

“There was that self-proclaimed goddess person or something who said a lot of weird stuff, wasn’t there, na…?”

The more she thought about it, the clearer her memory became.

 

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[Miss Haruna Murata, you are an Auntie of Osaka, are you not?]

The self-proclaimed goddess, dressed in clothes straight out of a Greek myth, stared intently at Haruna’s face. Rather than just the face, she was actually studying Haruna’s whole body with a serious expression. For some reason, there was an air of sacredness in the surrounding.

“Oh, for sure! Born and bred in Osaka City of Osaka Prefecture, and still living in Osaka. An undisputed Auntie of Osaka.”

[Based on our data, an Auntie of Osaka is the strongest human on earth.]

“Na~? Shouldn’t the strongest human be a martial artist, na~?”

Surely this person is expecting too much from me, thought Haruna.

“You sure there aren’t any mistakes in the qualifying round somehow? There’s no human on earth that’s good at everything after all.”

[No! My detailed and logical investigation is matchless. You have been revealed to be the strongest!]

The Goddess’ voice got louder as she emphasized her points. Haruna remained silent. What a weirdo, she thought.

[By the way, you died at Tennouji due to some unforeseen accident. I shall skip the details.]

“Is that so, I see…NOT! What the heck are you talking about? This is a big deal to me, ya de!!”

[Furthermore, as the strongest human (results determined by great me) you shall be reborn as a young female knight, the strongest in Isekai [1]!]

“The strongest in Shinsekai?”

Haruna had misheard the goddess’ proclamation and mixed up Isekai with Shinsekai.

 

Shinsekai is actually an area in Osaka where the famous Tsutenkaku Tower is located.

 

“The strongest? There’s that grim-faced middle aged coot who runs a meat skewer shop that’s pretty strong. I definitely can’t win against that! Being the strongest in Shinsekai is tricky business, ya de. It’s like, like me bringing a badly strung guitar into a music battle.”

[As a rule, I do not bestow transmigration to middle age women. Therefore, I do not know what will happen to you after this.]

“Maa…I’m good with whatever. Shinsekai isn’t it? If it’s there, I can take the underground home from Ebizu Chou station. Yes, I’ll take that location.”

[Ah…I believe you may have misunderstand-]

“Under stand, over stand, I’m fine with whatever kind of stand. Just tell me the place. I just bought some 551 pork buns [2], so I want to get home before they get cold.”

 

There’s a famous chain store in Osaka called the 551 Horai that sell these 551 pork buns and ice candy that are incredibly popular in Osaka. There isn’t a single Osakan native who does not know about this outlet.

[One other thing, I wish for you to spread the Word of Okonomiyaki in the Isekai.]

“Okonomiyaki?”

[In truth, the food situation is not great in this particular world… An Okonomiyaki contains carbohydrates, vegetables, and meat, encompassing all the proper nutrition that would improve the people’s diet. I’m sure it will really catch on!]

And so, Haruna was reincarnated into a different world.

Unsurprisingly, it was not to Shinsekai of Osaka.

 

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“Becoming young again is good and all, but, just where the heck is this place? It’s definitely not the Shinsekai. Wait, there’s a tower thingy over there that looks kinda like the Tsutenkaku, naa.”

The tower in question was actually part of a castle belonging to the local boss character.

“Ah, my wallet should be in this bag. Wait, it’s not here, yan! Oh, but the candies are still here. Oh yes, I bought those from the Super Tamade.”

 

Super Tamade is Osaka’s premier bargain price supermarket. In the author’s opinion, probably the most Osaka-ish supermarket in the whole of Japan.

 

“There seems to be no landmarks anywhere. Maybe, once I find the Yodogawa River, I can guestimate where I am… Hm? Hey you, you there.”

Suddenly, a bunch of strange people had surrounded Haruna.

It was a group of bipedal pig-like creatures, and they were making Haruna feel uncomfortable. They were actually a group of Orcs. From the sheer number alone, it looked like even with 10 lives it would be difficult to escape from that situation.

Seeing a lone female adventurer unmoving in the middle of the field without a weapon in sight, there was no reason for the Orcs to not attack a clear sitting duck.

“A-re? Are these nanpa [3]? Don’t they usually hang out Dotonbori? Are they all here ‘cause I’m pretty now?”

 

Nanpas were generally people around the age of 25 years old. Haruna suddenly felt quite excited.

 

By the way, in Haruna’s opinion, there’s nothing like the absolute satisfaction of rejecting the unwanted advances of a nanpa, and then bragging to people that she had been ‘nanpa-ed’ on the streets.

Haruna had already confirmed that she had turned into a beauty via the convenient puddle earlier. Nostalgic feelings of being a young high school girl surged through her heart.

Even an Osakan Auntie was once a beautiful maiden. However, as the years sped by, even a young girl would eventually transform into an auntie. However, only an Osakan native will have the opportunity to become an Osakan Auntie.

 

“Ah, but they are all piggies, yan. No matter how you look at them, they really are literally pigs, yan. Ah, could it be that the piggies are angry ‘cause I bought 551 pork buns?”

“Bu hii~!”

Grabbing their swords, the Orcs charged forward.

Are they trying to threaten her with such mild moves? Are they seriously trying to be threatening?

Actually, Haruna was no slouch when it came to bladed tools.

“Tai!”     

Haruna dodged the swinging blades, she struck the Orc with her right hand.

–do guoo!!!

Despite using no weapons, Haruna managed a palm strike that blew the Orc far away. It was an extraordinarily powerful attack.

“What the heck! Don’t you know it’s dangerous to swing blades around like that? Tai!”

 

‘Tai!’ – Is what an Osakan Auntie would shout out when disciplining bad children.

Other regions are known to use ‘Meh!’ for the same purpose.

 

“Hey kids, here’s a much safer game for you guys.”

Haruna formed her hands until it was shaped like a pistol, and pointed her index finger at the Orcs.

“Bang!”

 

There’s an unwritten rule in Osaka that once you’ve been ‘shot’ by these finger guns, you must pretend to ‘die’ in great agony from this imaginary ‘gunshot wound’. [4]

 

The Orcs, of course, were not cultured enough to know that such a rule existed. Also, guns do not exist in this particular world

“Hey piggies, this is not cool! You guys have to cooperate in order to make this work!”

Bash!

Biff!

Haruna used a tsukkomi chop (a judo move) to send two Orcs flying with just her hands.

“Ya’ll gonna get a pounding! Show your butts! I’ma gonna pound up some Gontas!”

 

Gonta – a term used for mischievous little kids, has a rather rough or violent nuance to the meaning.

 

Again and again, Haruna smacked these poor Orcs’ butts. Haruna was actually well known for smacking complete strangers’ children.

Bash!

Smack!

Bash!

 

With such unbelievable strength, the Orcs were forced to swallow a loss.

In fact, they were so overwhelmed by her offensive ability that they were all shaking with fear.

Haruna was not an opponent they could fight against. Her offensive power was too unbelievable. That was totally a cheat ability.

 

“Bu~ bu, bu, bu hii~!”

 

The Orcs lowered their heads. It seemed obvious that fighting back was impossible.

“What’s this? Are you guys sorry? Well~ I guess I could let this go, wa.”

To preserve their own lives, the Orcs began taking out lots of valuable items from various hidden spots, things like precious stones and the like.

 

“Aa? Are these for me? Then, many thanks for the gift. The closest thing to precious stones I’ve ever bought were pearls when I took the Kinki Line (railway line) to Ise prefecture for a holiday, wa~.”

 

A special limited express train belonging to the Kinki Line connects Osaka and Ise prefecture, making it easy for people from Kansai to travel to Ise Island. It takes about two hours to travel from Namba to Ise area.

 

Haruna stuck one of the rings onto her middle finger and struck a pose. “Well? Is it Kobe-ish?”

 

Kobe-ish – In Osaka, the term has the same meaning as ‘having superb fashion sense’ or ‘very fashionable’.

 

Naturally, the Orcs did not get the joke and could not respond appropriately.

 

“What the heck, you guys are really piggies, absolutely no sense of cooperation at all. Might as well chop you guys up and stir you into an Okonomiyaki for dinner.”

 

The Orcs suddenly grew afraid, it seemed that they could understand when their lives were being threatened, and started to freak out a little. Guess this must be the so-called animal instincts at work. Afraid for their lives, the Orcs trembled in place, too afraid to even run away.

However, precious stones were not very useful to Haruna at the moment… “Ha~, I’m really hungry, wa. Aren’t there any shops around?”

Another look around only showed wide meadows and swaying grass as far as the eye could see. She really did not know which direction to take.

“Could this place be the countryside? Looks a lot like Nara.”

 

For some reason, there was an odd tendency for urban Osakans to look down on Nara prefecture. Possibly because when they travel via the Kintetsu Line to Nara, a wide farmland will appear as soon as you cross the borders, making people believe that Nara is all farmland.

 

“Hey, Mr. Piggies, are there any towns around?”

The Orcs pointed a finger at one direction, presumably it was the direction to the nearest town.

“Many thanks! Jya, see you next time, wa~”

Haruna headed towards the direction pointed out at a leisurely pace. Normally, someone who found themselves at an unknown place would start to panic or fall into despair, but this Osakan Auntie was brimming with the power of positivity.

 

“Well, once we reach the town, let’s catch a train.”

 

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Author Morita Kisetsu: From now on, a fresh start will begin. We shall have drastic improvements and massive upgrades planned. (Accounts will remain intact.) The methods used will be quite special, confirmation companies will be taken into consideration. These are some of the movements we will be taking.

 

Gumihou: Haha, you probably know one of Morita Kisetsu’s work better, I’ve Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level

 

[1] Isekai – Transmigrated world, lol. If you’re an avid reader of transmigration story, you should be familiar with this term by now ^^

[2] 551 Pork buns are actually the 551 Horai Pork buns – an Osaka favourite and are often sold as souvenirs

[3] Nanpa – people out to pick up girls in groups. It’s an urban slang.

Nampa or nanpa (both spellings are correct because of the way the ‘n’ character works in Japanese) is a Japanese term meaning the act of meeting and seducing women.

To put it in American terms, to “do nampa” is to “pick up women.” So, if you have ever approached a stranger with the intention of establishing a romantic relationship of some kind (successfully or not), you have done nampa. Being introduced to a girl through a friend is not nampa.

However, in other contexts the word nampa may refer to the practice of meeting women by way of a popular Japanese courtship procedure, wherein young men stand at lively public areas and approach passing women in rapid succession until one agrees to an instant date (to a karaoke bar, for instance).

I once saw a video of two guys doing nampa in Tokyo.

[4] It’s called the ‘Bang’ – Please refer the following video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0rh_l92cwo