WARNING!!

Contains Translator’s prejudiced and biased comments. Do NOT  read if you have any positive feelings for this story.

SPOILER!!

The Translator hates this stories and there will be lots of hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

…just, let me have this, okay? I just can’t-

No-

Just don’t scroll down if you don’t have a sense of humour.

Seriously.

I’m warning you.

Stop now.

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If you’ve reached all the way here, have fun!

 

 

Chapter 57: Dine in Only, No Takeout

 

 

“Elder sister Hong Xiu, have you gone silly from staring?” Wen Rou teased. [Clearly feeling superior about her own immunity against this beauty.]

“To think that such beauty actually exist under the heavens, what’s more a man at that!” Hong Xiu praised.

“So what if he’s good looking! A super picky eater! If elder sister marry this kind of guy you’ll end up working your butt off trying to please his majesty all the time!” Wen Rou continued to tease. [Truer words never said, now if only you can continue to be as sensible like this.]

“How could this kind of handsome young master ever notice me?” Hong Xiu was not at all upset. [Finally, a sensible one] The image of Qiao Zizhang’s face flickered through her mind’s eye. She gave Wen Rou a measured look, and smiled, “However, I do feel that this Young Master’s attitude towards little sister Wen Rou is certainly unique.” [We are soul sisters, Hong Xiu and I]

“Even elder sister Hong Xiu is teasing me! Wen Rou jumped at Hong Xiu, noisily protesting. [Fake modesty…]

“What fun discussion are we having here? Can I know too?” the two girls giggling away did not even noticed when Qiao Zizhang approached strolled by, perfectly calm and modest with his hands tucked behind his back.

“Good day young master Zizhang!” Wen Rou greeted.

“We meet again, young master Zizhang!” Hong Xiu faintly straightened a little.

Both girls were still a little red on the cheeks, if Qiao Zizhang knew these two girls were chatting about some strange guy, how scandalous would that be!

“Just now that young master Ren did not make things too hard for you ladies, ba?” Qiao Zizhang inquired.

Hong Xiu slowly raised her eyes, then quickly looked down again. Though she was shy to directly meet Qiao Zizhang’s eyes, she was still quietly happy inside her heart.

“Many thanks for young master’s concern. Elder sister Hong Xiu, I shall return to the kitchen you, you guys chat!” Wen Rou pulled a weird face and ran off. [Using immaturity as an excuse, nice.]

13 year old Li Hong Xiu and 14 year old Qiao Zizhang.

A sudden sweet thought flashed through her mind. The right thing should be given to the right person. As for that first grade young master Xian Fan of Xiang Yang, best to stay as far away from him as they could! [Why are all the male villains all obviously flawed while the ‘good guys ‘ all loaded down with all the positive adjectives? Hmm, this reminds me of something, oh yes, Low Class American Cartoon! Sorry Americans, you have to admit this]

Once young master Zizhang and elder sister Hong Xiu engaged to be married. No matter how much of a rogue that Fan Jian is, he won’t be able to make trouble!

“Rou’er, what’s the order?” Wen Shouzheng asked from the kitchen.

“It’s all different kinds of light dishes.” Wen Rou said.

“Surely it’s not those tea based dishes again?” Wen Shouzheng muttered aggrievedly.

“No it’s all Drunken Immortal’s specialities. Hey dad, why don’t we make it together and send it through. That young master Ren looked a little exhausted to me.” A thread of concern was hidden within her word. [No kidding, like, wow, author probably thinks all her readers were as ‘smart’ as young master Ren]

Father and daughter worked quickly together. One frying the other grilling, with a swift ‘da da da’ of the knives and ‘shua shua shua’ the spatula danced.

In a short while a series of hot and light dishes were done.

At first, Wen Rou really wanted to call for Zhu Zi. [Sure, I believe you, really] However, after faffing about a little, she finally just sent up the dishes personally to Ren Yue.

[Because it’s probably easier for a 12 year old girl to carry 2 hot dishes, 1 hot soup, 1 hot wine dish, 1 hot dessert soup and 3 dry desserts (that’s at least 5 plates and 3 bowls full of things if you must know) all by herself into a private room where a handsome male is sitting by himself. Oh, and dad is okay about this because plot says so. Realistically speaking don’t you think this is highly unlikely and that the father would at least carry half of the stuff up just so his daughter won’t be in a room with a strange man? What’s with that performance back in chapter 55 where she stuck out her tongue to throw her dad off the scent? I have so many problems with this scene.]

“Miss Wen Rou, please wait!” Ren Yue called after Wen Rou.

[It’s just so this scene could happen, can’t the author spare some effort? Why not have two person bring up the dishes and one ran out of the room due to ‘emergency’? It’s still trite, but at least no unbelievable.]

“Does young master Ren have any other request?” Wen Rou paused in her steps. [I’m starting to hate typing her name.]

“Have you really started learning how to cook for half a month from Chef Wen?” Ren Yue asked curiously. [Dude, smart dude, clever dude, that’s not how you inquire for things from someone who has something to hide.]

“That’s right!” Wen Rou answered readily. [Because she has all her lies in line.]

“And you have always been in Xiang Yang? Ren Yue asked again.

[You’re asking all the wrong question. Try ‘Are you really Wen Rou?’ Even a little boy from Honzuki Gekokujyou knows the right questions to ask. And you’re in your teens! And a ‘Clever dude’ to boot. Not only a clever dude, but a famous clever dude and with a smart old dude as your master.]

“That’s right, is there any problem?” Wen Rou answered readily.

“I just felt that somehow we’ve met before! Perhaps it is just my bad eyesight, miss may laugh at my mistake.” Ren Yue picked up his chopsticks.

[… Ihavesomanyproblemswiththisline!!!!! How could a self assured person so readily admit to silly mistakes like this?! Is it because you feel that she could read minds and therefore need not guard your tongue? Or is it that you have been given a book, a cake and pu’er tea that made you think that you’ve met this person before. Also you’re 14 and she’s 12!! If you want to investigate, then investigate properly, what is this half ass way of doing things? If you’re my student and give me an assignment with this kind of effort, I will give you a D for effort!!!]

“Perhaps young master Ren would like some wine?” Wen Rou inquired.

“Oh, absolutely.” Ren Yue nodded.

[I do hope, author-san that you realise that this is a 14 year old wine drinker? Fine, it’s historical China where girls married at 15 or 13, but I would also like to point out that alcoholism is a thing, and just because these people are fictional, they should still be aware of these things. I hope he dies from liver failure. Liver sickness will ruin his face and give him a pot belly at least.]

When Wen Rou came up once again with the ‘Morning Dew Wine’, most of the dishes had been touched and quite a few were already empty. [Because, miraculously, nothing in this world tasted quite as delicious as the Mary Stew’s cooking, it must be her magical immortal goddess like smell and tranquil as sacred pool looks]

Thinking about Ren Yue’s character, even if the food was even more delicious, he probably would not have eaten as much. Today was certainly strange. [Let’s try starving him for a week and give him fresh goat’s milk, let’s see if he’ll drink that!]

It certainly looked like he’s really hungry today.

Unable to resist, Wen Rou laughed out loud.

The happiness of eating had gone into Ren Yue’s head and he had not notice Wen Rou still standing at the entrance of the Listening Bamboo pavilion’s doorway, until her laughter rang out. He suddenly felt very awkward and did not dare to lift his head.

[I’m so bored, I’m going to do something else now.]

“Young master Ren’s appetite is good today!” Wen Rou was amused. [Translator is not amused, Translator saw this waaaay back a couple of chapters ago.] [What’s worse than super powered, super intelligent characters? Inconsistent characters; what’s worse than that? Lame plots. The worst? All three in one novel. Joy]

“He-he, it’s possible that I’m not used to the environment here. Can’t sleep or eat properly. It just so happen that today’s meal really suited my taste, and thus my good appetite.” Ren Yue said with a smile.

“I guess Young Master Ren is really hungry, ba. Eat a little more, this one, this one and this one are all very delicious!” Wen Rou unconsciously walked towards Ren Yue and stretched out her finger to point at a few dishes.

[I guess this is an opportunity for Young Master Ren to smell Wen Rou and see the nape of her neck? Sigh…]

“Miss Wen was definitely an extremely capable person, to be honest, for master to come into Jing Cheng without bringing a cook with him. My master’s actual skill in cooking was show last night to be… aih…” Ren Yue’s mouth did not hesitate as he laughed and shook his head sadly.

“Oh, you’re talking about that weird old man from yesterday, ah! He looks like someone who likes everything his way. My brother who who still looks up to him said that he knows everything about the heavens and the earth, that there’s nothing he couldn’t do! But my dad says he knows everything in the world except cooking!” The moment Wen Rou started talking about Sir Song Tao, she started losing her temper. [Because even when she was in her 20s she still has the temper of a 13 year old, which was why no one suspected anything.

“My master is a strict man, and never accepts students just like that. However, if Miss Wen’s brother really has talent, his efforts would certainly pay off!” Ren Yue commented as he enjoyed the Morning Dew Wine.

“Hmph, it’s easy for you to say. My brother has failed the exams three times. If he really fails again it would be too much for him!” Wen Rou said with an expressionless face. [Aaaand, naturally a world famous teacher should pay attention to a three times failure just because a mouthy little girl cook mouth off at him. Sure.]

“From what I know, if young miss wishes to help your brother gain apprenticeship, it would be beneficial to appeal to Master in other ways,” said Ren Yue as he took another sip of wine.

“Appeal to him?” Wen Rou cheered up, “Daring to ask Young Master Wen, just what does a weird old man like him likes?”

“Miss Wen, my master has many hobbies. Such as reading, music, poetry, painting, so long as it is appeals to the sophisticated senses!” Ren Yue said slowly with his wine cup lifted as if in salute.

[In other words, all snooty hobbies. I’m starting to wonder if this Unparalled Gentleman was moulded by his parents after this ‘weird old man’.]

“Surely you don’t expect me to bribe him with books? Or challenge him into a zither competition? I don’t know any of those, ah!” Wen Rou’s hopes were all shaken. [Don’t worry, we all know how you’re going to fix this. Please at least pretend to be realistic about it.]

“True gold is not afraid of fire, Miss Wen, do think about this matter carefully!” Ren Yue set down his chopsticks, apparently full up now.

“Miss Wen, I’d like to trouble you to make the same set of dishes please. I’d like to bring some back for my Master to enjoy.” said Ren Yue.

Suddenly, a light flashed in Wen Rou’s eyes, “Young Master Wen, you may eat as much as you like in Drunken Immortal, as for takeaways, that’s not possible!” [… …]

“For what reason?” Ren Yue had not thought that Wen Rou would refuse him.

“You go home and tell that weird old man this young lady will not serve him!” Having said this, Wen Rou stomped out grandly.

After a while, she came back, “Young master, the meal is 2 silver pieces.”

Ren Yue laughed as he shook his head, and took out 2 pieces of silver from his shirt and placed them on the table. “Miss Wen’s hand is not bad, however your temper is a little big, while your stomach a little small.”

[You know, this is how shitty, spoilt children are created. They threw a tantrum and mommy and daddy just shook their heads and said ‘Oh, she’s just like that’. 500 more chapters to go. Somebody shoot me in the head.]

Wen Rou had gleaned from Ren Yue’s words that Sir Song Tao had not brought a cook with them, and that their servant did not have any cooking skills. Sir Song Tao also has nearly zero cooking skills. That old man, if he continued to stay in XianmYang, then wouldn’t eating be a problem?

[Right, to elevate your character’s cooking skills, you make sure the opponents can’t even boil water. Nice. Subtle as a bash in the head.]

The common people worship food to the heavens, hei-hei, didn’t Ren Yue said something about appealing in other ways? Let’s use food to do it.

 

[So many holes in this plan… where should I start?

1. How about eating at other restaurants, or stalls?
2. Sending other people to buy food? Sending your people to find other people to buy food?
3. Complaining to the manager? You’re not telling me that a little girl who only started working with the restaurant for less than a month has more authority than the manager?
4. What about the owner?
5. If you complain to the official that’s out to flatter Sir Song Tao, do you thinks he’d refuse to throw his weight around?
6. Also what about that gossipy woman next door? Is she another one of your forgotten plots? Like Wen Rou’s super nose? What happened to her super nose?

That’s 6 plot holes off the top of my head. Sir Song Tao, if this stumps you, you’re an idiot. An idiot!!]

 

As she continued to think about this, Wen Rou dashed out from the back entrance.

“Driver, follow that white horse!” Wen Rou flagged down a carriage and pointed down the road.

Ying Xue[1] trotted briskly through the Xianyang town and past a bustling market, the sound of hooves hitting the stone road rang out clearly.

As Wen Rou sat in the carriage,she couldn’t help herself as she lifted the curtains and looked out anxiously.

After a few turns, Ren Yue dismounted and gently pushed open an ink black wooden door, and slowly lead Ying Xue in.

Wen Rou watched from the outside for a while. From the dark roof tiles and green walls, it was clear that this was a far from luxurious abode. It was difficult to imagine that the impressive Sir Song Tao really lived here.

“Miss, you…” The driver asked.

“Oh, let’s go back! Back to the Drunken Immortal.” Wen Rou announced, memorizing the location of this place.

South part of Qingshi Street, past Liulin…

… …

 

• Reflect Snow seems a bit…inelegant, his ping ying name ‘Ying Xue’ sounds grander. Also, since it’s an adjectival noun, the correct translation should probably be Reflecting Snow, but I digressed.