Part 7: Osaka’s Auntie Fights with a Dragon
Chapter 32: Sleep, Dragon Slayer!
Translated by Gumihou
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Natalia had already ducked behind Haruna long before the first puff of Breath of Fire or Breath of Ice came shooting out of the Dragon Boss’ mouth.
Everything happened as predicted; the environment around them were burnt, or rather, melted into molten lava under the superheated flames.
“At least say something like, ‘If you value your life, scram!’ or something first! Don’t just suddenly go for the kill without warning!”
“Just how many near-death situations have I gone through?” thought Natalia. On second thought, she decided to just not think about it.
On the other hand, Haruna was the same as ever. Treating the Breath of Fire as nothing more threatening than a heating fan—
“Oh, this time it felt kind of like being submerged in the Arima Hot Springs, na.”
Haruna seemed to be enjoying herself as she stood before the flames with her hands on her hips and smirking up at the Dragon Boss.
The Arima Hot Springs are quite famous hot springs spots for tourists. Located north of Kobe, it is close enough to Osaka for day trips and weekend getaways. It is well known for having Hideyoshi Toyotomi visit them in the past.
Originally, there were plans to connect Osaka’s Umeda Station to Takarazuka via the Hankyu Takarazuka Line with the intention of making a stop at Arima Hot Springs. However, the mountains proved too difficult to blast or drill through to make this additional route and the plan was scrapped. Instead, to travel to Arima Onsen, one has to take a 60-minute bus ride from the Umeda Station via the Hankyu Bus.
“Um… please be reminded that I am right behind you and can’t really defend myself, so could you please do something about this situation…”
While Haruna was having a spa-day break, Natalia was starting to feel like she was being baked despite her relatively safe position within Haruna’s nullification sphere.
“Maa, since it’s a Breath of Something Something Whatever, he’ll run out of breath soon. Just use your Frost Magic to cool yourself for the moment.”
“It’s an attack that would normally vaporize people even if they didn’t take a Direct Hit, you know? So please don’t treat it like it’s nothing… Anyway, I’ll just… conjure up some ice.” It’s better than to just keep taking the heat like this, Natalia thought helplessly.
The Frost Magic casted by Natalia kept the temperature around her at a nice ‘Not Burning to a Crisp’ level.
“What is the meaning of this…? This Great One’s Flames are not working at all… Only Dragon Slayers who appear once every 500 years can withstand my Flames…”
“I’m a Dragon Slayer, ya de.”
Haruna declared loudly and proudly in pure ‘Osakan Style’.
However, in true conflicting Japanese culture, where modesty is seen to be a desirable trait, the ‘bragging’ must be something ridiculous or outrageous. The main aim of the Osakan Style ‘bragging’ is to appear funny rather than any true boasting. People who boast about themselves are seen as vulgar. If you make a ridiculous boast, such as an old lady bragging about herself being a catwalk model, would be seen as funny, and therefore acceptable.
Because Haruna saw herself as a ‘Dragon Slayer’, a great baseball player who could beat the Chunichi Dragons, as something quite ridiculous, she had no problem making this declaration.
“What did you just say!? The last man who bore the title of ‘Dragon Slayer’ appeared just 200 years ago. There should be no Dragon Slayers for another 300 years!”
“It can’t be helped, yan. It is how it is, ya.”
“Boss, nothing we do affects that person!”
“She’s like a living nightmare!”
The two dragons that had run away from Haruna were now gathered before the Dragon Boss to warn him.
“Is that so? I can tell that you are strong indeed. However, This Great One stands as the commander of all Dragons-”
“Tei! Tei!”
“Oi!! Don’t hit me when I’m still speaking! Read the mood!”
“Are you a moron? If you want me to listen to you, make it interesting! What do you mean by ‘This Great One’?! Showing off much? Here’s some more for you, ‘Great One’!”
As expected from the Great Leader of Dragons, he didn’t get thrown into the sky like the other dragons, but he could still feel the shock of pain from her attacks. More attacks kept piling up on top of each other, giving the Dragon Boss a hard time.
The Dragon Boss tried to counter-attack, but Haruna was too small for him to land a decisive blow. He tried to smack her, step on her but she would just quickly dart away from every attack.
“This is bad, if things continue this way I might just lose,” the Dragon Boss thought. At that moment, he decided that it was time to come up with an all or nothing plan.
“Hahaha, the Breath of This Great One’s is not limited to just Flames or Ice. Great Me can also Breathe out magical powers— wait, I’m still talking!”
“But I have great pushing power, na! I get on the train from Umeda to Koshien on the Hanshin Electric Railway during peak hours all the time, wa.”
By the way, the Koshien Directed Limit Express, Rapid Express and Express all have a lot of stops between Umeda and the baseball stadium.
“As I was saying, Great Me can put any human to sleep with my Breath. If I hit you with my breath, you will sleep for three days and three nights!”
Bam! Boom! Pow!
“As I’ve said, stop it! I’ve had enough! Time to put you to sleep! Your violence comes to an end here.” The Dragon Boss opened his mouth and breathed out.
Haruna’s hair fluttered back from her face as she took the attack point-blank. “Humph, do you think a weak attack like this would… fuahhh… sleepy…”
With a dull thud, Haruna flopped face down and began to snore.
“Oh, looks like this attack worked, na…” the Dragon Boss actually seemed quite surprised, as he had half expected Haruna to throw off this spell just like she had with the other attacks.
On the other hand—
“Eh… if Haruna is asleep, I, I’ll die!!!” Natalia had certainly been put into a very difficult situation. “Hey! Wake up! If you don’t wake up, I’ll die!”
A panicking Natalia began to shake Haruna, trying to get her to wake up.
“…next batter is… aah, that guy, ah… yufu… that’s right… do your best…”
All she got for her trouble was some nonsensical sleep talk. It sure sounded as though she was having a dream about watching a match between Hanshin and Chunichi.
“No, no, enough with your sleep talking! Please wake up!”
“So, there’s another female human here. Hey you, you’re with that sleeping female who’s here to mock us dragons, aren’t you?”
“Help! Help! Why aren’t you waking up?!”
“No wait, listen when I’m talking!” The enraged Dragon Boss sucked in a huge lungful of breath and Flames gushed out.
However, Natalia was fully prepared. “Kuuuooohhh! Haruna Shield!”
Natalia held a snoring Haruna up as a meat-shield and hid behind her.
“That beastman just used her companion as a shield!”
“Heartless, a heartless, coward’s tactic!”
The dragon gatekeepers criticized her from the side.
“Shut up! So what? It’s fine because we’re all fine, aren’t we?!” Natalia’s moral compass had clearly broken from all the near-death situations she had suffered.
“Damn you! Too cowardly! Maa, that’s fine. Great Me will just hit you with more Flames!”
The Dragon Boss dashed behind Natalia, opened his mouth and breathed out his Flames. Natalia held Haruna up by the armpits, making sure to stay behind her snoring boss and out of the way of the Breath attacks.
The situation was becoming slightly ridiculous.
Unfortunately, there was nothing Natalia could do except to keep doing that until Haruna would wake up to properly protect them both.
Once the Breath of Flames stopped, the Dragon Boss once again darted behind Natalia, and tried to catch her off guard with his Flames. It looked like he could not actually breathe fire while on the move.
This ridiculous performance went on for about five minutes.
“Curses… this battle is becoming ridiculous, fight me properly! It’s tiring to keep breathing out those Flames…”
“There’s no way I’m going to fight you head-on, I can’t win at all! How about you give up?!” Natalia cried out, hoping that the Dragon really would, as he looked like he was running out of energy.
Dragon Boss panted for a moment, then raised his head and said, “Alright, you two attack with me! Everyone, let’s take down this woman together.”
“Whaaat? No! No way! At least come at me one by one!” Natalia cried loudly., Of course, the last thing she wanted to do was take on several dragons at once.
“Well, it really is kind of sneaky-”
“-and kind of uncool…”
The other dragons were not at all keen with the idea either.
“It can’t be helped, there’s no other way! Once that woman wakes up, it will spell the end of all dragons! Just attack!”
Putting it that way, the dragons really could not hold themselves back from attacking anymore. The rest of the dragons flew over, surrounding Natalia and Haruna. There was no way out, no place to run or hide. Natalia’s legs grew weak as she fully understood the terrible situation she was in.
“I knew it, I knew we shouldn’t have come here to pick a fight with the dragons…”
Falling into despair, this was the final straw on her back, and she fell to her knees.
“Hey, female. Your life means nothing to Great Me, so run away if you like. There’s nothing for Great Me to gain for taking the life from insignificant creatures.”
With victory in sight, the Dragon Boss appeared more magnanimous. Natalia’s face brightened a little. No matter how low or humiliating the situation, nothing matters as long as she could get out of this place alive.
“However, Great Me has a condition.”
Natalia’s tail, which had puffed up in anxiety, began to wave to and fro anxiously. Since it was the Dragon Boss, surely he wouldn’t demand her body, right? But, what else could she offer?
“I want Miso to be added to my tribute offerings.”
“Mi-so?”
[Gumihou: Lol, just what is going on, lol!]
[1] Arima Hot Springs – A small hot spring town within the city limits of Kobe. Close enough to Osaka that residents could go there for a day trip or a weekend getaway.
https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3558.html
[2] Professional baseball teams from Japan
