Vending Machine - 170 - Ogre Extermination

Chapter 170: Ogre Extermination

Link: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n7583de/

Author: Hirukuma

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou

We continued to move along the wall, eventually stopping at a spot that looked decent enough to rest in.

Now that the active fighting was over, it was time for me to properly contribute to our party. Since everyone had just heavily exerted themselves, a round of sports drinks and cold food would be good. However, seeing how the night was closing in, a warm meal would probably be more appreciated.

Although the brush with death was probably a great mental toll, everyone seemed to be in surprisingly good condition and quickly regained their strength and good humour. Perhaps thanks to his high-performance armour, even Mishael was soon up and conscious enough to eat.

“Sorry guys, I should’ve given everyone at least a briefing about the floor boss here,” Hyurumi was sitting in the sand with her head hung low with shame.

“No way, it’s not Hyurumi’s fault!” Ramis quickly declared.

“That’s right, I was suffering from a sudden bout of hot-headedness as well and dragged everyone into this. Sorry for putting everyone in danger,” said Hevoy.

“Instead of being helpful, I was a hindrance! I’ll accept any punishment you deem fit, Master Hakkon!”

Everyone took turns apologising. Well, I rather be with a group of people like this than suffer with people who like to pass the blame on others. While it was heartwarming, this conversation was getting us nowhere.

“A pl-an”

“Ma-ke”

“That’s right, we can decide who is at fault later, We still have to deal with that ogre,” said Kikoyu, echoing my sentiment.

Her mature way of speaking doesn’t match her youthful appearance. However, it is possible she may actually be older than Ramis…

“That’s right, the real question now is what should we do about that Two-Headed Ogre. Do we run, or take it down?” said Hyurumi, who had perfectly summarised the most crucial points.

“The enemy is too strong, running is not a bad idea,” said Hevoy.

Shui stared hard at Hevoy, “Are you alright with this? We left Tasite behind, remember?”

“Under those circumstances, he had most likely died from blood loss or was eaten by the Two-Headed Ogre. The Skull Ring could not control that monster at all.”

“The ring could only enforce simple commands. As this floor’s master, he could probably only order them to stop or attack. However, once the monsters had gone berserk, they could not be controlled any more. Also, it is likely that the Ruler of the Netherworld helped to keep the monsters in a state of suspended animation or asleep until they receive a signal.”

That’s right. The Two-Headed Ogre had been standing motionless with their eyes closed like a statue until it was ‘woken’ up.

“Hey, if Tasite had the Skull Ring when the ogre ate him… would the control be transferred to the ogre?” asked Ramis curiously.

“Hahaha, that’s… unlikely… but I wouldn’t rule it out,” said Hyurumi with a laugh.

“If that is the case, we may have to face a Two-Headed Ogre that could control and manipulate the creature inside this Desert Pillar.”

Just the thought of a freakishly strong monster with power over those horrifying monsters is frankly terrifying.

“The monsters on the first floor of the Desert Pillar are considered lower-class creatures. The higher you ascend the Pillar the more powerful the monsters. If that creature could actually control those monsters and attack the village, that would be terrible.”

“Shouldn’t we strike while the iron’s hot and subjugate him here and now? What do you think, Master Hakkon?”

Could you not bring me into the discussion like this, Mishael?

Everyone’s eyes were now fixed on me.

What do you expect from a vending machine? Sure, my strategies have worked pretty well to date, but it’s not like I could simply come up with a strategy in a pinch.

“De-mon”

“Sk-ill”

To properly fight against the enemy, one should first know their capabilities.

“Oh, good point! I’ll tell you what I know about the Two-Headed Ogre. First, it’s an ogre with two heads. The one on the right is male and the right a female. Its body is harder than steel and its strength is as you all have experienced. If Ramis challenges it head-on, she won’t stand a chance.”

We have already experienced its defensive power and monstrous strength. Despite taking a direct hit from three of us, it looked like it took no damage at all.

“My attack aside, surely Ramis or Mishael’s attacks could penetrate steel?”

“That’s true. Let’s talk about the Two-Headed Ogre’s Gifts. First, its monstrous strength. We’ve all experienced that, right?”

Everyone nodded.

“The most troublesome ability is <Harden>. It’s a gift that greatly strengthens its skin, to the point that it can repel all kinds of attacks. In short, its strength was just <Superhuman Strength> and <Harden>. Simple, but that is why they are practically untouchable.”

So, it was like giving the ogre both a powerful club and great armour. Simple, but considering its already incredible strength, these two abilities more than doubled its power.

“If the Leader was here, we could do something about the <Hardening>…” Shui muttered from the side, looking rather sad and forlorn.

That’s right, Leader Keyroil has the <Shattering Eye> which neutralizes all other gifts. With him around, we could handily get around the <Harden> skill.

“It can’t be helped. That’s asking for the impossible. Best to just work with what we have.”

Well said, Hyurumi.

After all, my friends are no less talented than that guy. I believe we’ll manage something as long as we work together.

Now that we know what the enemy’s skills are, is there any other pertinent information we should be aware of?

“Aside from their Gifts, the Two-Headed Ogre is known to be a glutton for food and drinks,” said Hyurumi.

In short, they share characteristics similar to those of Japanese Oni. Speaking of ogres who like to drink, Shuten Douji [1] has to be the most famous.

If it happened to have a drinking problem… how about the classic ‘strike ‘em when they’re drunk’ method? If the <Harden> happens to be a conscious skill, we could even get around that once they fall asleep.

After eating all that food [2] seasoned with salty barbecue sauce, it must be thirsty by now. If we offer it alcohol, it might just gulp down the whole thing.

I can provide as much alcohol as needed. While I rarely drink, it doesn’t mean I can’t. I used to get drinks from vending machines in front of the liquor store for drinking parties with friends.

My friends would say that ‘It’s much cheaper to buy directly from the store’ but whenever I’m buying, it has to be from the vending machine. Ah, how nostalgic.

Thanks to that one friend who enjoyed drinking all sorts of alcohol, my repertoire of drinks is quite wide. I never knew that this little habit would come in handy. I should be thankful to those drinking buddies of mine.

Well, since we have plenty of choices, the question now comes to what type of alcohol to offer it. If we’re aiming to make it get drunk quickly, high-alcohol content types would be the best. By the way, I heard somewhere that drinking alcohol with sports drinks would increase the alcohol absorption rate and get you drunk faster. However, I can vouch that it’s a complete lie.

A-anyway, let’s just go with pure Japanese saké with the highest alcohol content.

Speaking of Japanese saké, I found this interesting saké tasting vending machine at the Osaka airport once. They have about 30 different brands of saké and for a 100 yen coin, you can get a shot glass worth of drink.

Thinking back, drinking 30 shots of saké in one go just to satisfy my vending mania was quite the overkill…

[3] Given how big that thing is, a single shot, or even a single 2-litre plastic bottle worth of alcohol probably won’t do much to it. However, several bottles of alcohol should do it, right?

[3] I have no idea whether it has such things as taste buds, but let’s give it a few types of high alcohol content saké that are commonly sold at vending machines. In fact, let’s pick Onikoroshi (ogre Slayer) [4] saké just for luck.

As I lit up the panels with a line of alcoholic drinks, everyone quickly got the idea and started helping out.

While [5] I was churning out alcohol in 2-litre plastic bottles (blasphemy, I know, but we don’t care), a question started to emerge.

“So,” said Hyurumi we had a good stack of alcohol. “How are we going to get it to drink this?”

Everyone stopped stacking the bottles and looked at each other.

That’s right. It’s not like we could have a beautiful woman offer up alcohol to the ogre. Ascetics of ‘beauty’ and gender aside, the Two-Headed Ogre has both male and female heads. With the female head being the sultry-looking type…

Does that mean that it has a similar sense of beauty?

Should we have both handsome men and beautiful women to serve it… them?

“While it should be full after gorging on all those monsters, it doesn’t mean we won’t be senselessly killed,” Hyurumi mused.

“Um, in that case, are there any monsters that the Two-Headed won’t kill? Even marginally?” [2] asked Ramis. “I know it eats the monsters on the first floor, but even the most powerful monsters won’t kill certain creatures.”

“Hmm… ah! I think they don’t attack monsters from the ‘ogre’ race. Why do you ask?” said Hyurumi.

“Well, I was thinking, is it possible to disguise ourselves as part of the ogre race?”

Oho, way to think outside the box!

As for the disguise…

All gazes turned towards Hevoy, who slammed a fist into his palm.

“It’s not impossible given enough time. I have encountered a few members of the ogre race. If I overlap their image over myself, we could fool them.”

“The Two-Headed Ogre could speak in broken words, but a lower level ogre could be limited to grunts like ‘guo’, or ‘gah’,” said Hyurumi thoughtfully.

Suddenly, the nearly impossible task seemed almost doable. It was still a very dangerous role, but Hevoy appeared enthusiastic about it.

Since I can’t think of any other plan, let’s just go with it for now. We don’t have a choice anyway.

Even if we tried to flee, we may be attacked by the Two-Headed Ogre and desert monsters before we even reached the village. If that happens, our survival rate will drop close to zero. It may be best to face the danger now, [2] while the monster is alone and satiated from meat.

“Let’s give it a try. I have an idea how we can get it to drink,” said Hyurumi with such confidence that I automatically relaxed even though I hadn’t heard her plan yet.

While the rest of the party discussed the disguise, I took the opportunity to review the list of alcohol I could produce. It would be best if we could get our hands on vodka, but I have never encountered vending machine vodka before.

Just looking at all the alcohol was making me tipsy, even though as a vending machine, I wouldn’t feel anything even if all the alcohol bottles were opened in a confined space. [5]

[Gumihou: Adjusted the ending for plot continuity per Note 5]

[1] Shuten Douji – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuten-d%C5%8Dji

[2] Add details

[3] Adjust details

[4] Onikoroshi really do exist!

https://www.truesake.com/products/wakatake-onigoroshi-dg

[5] Here, the author said ‘everyone helped transfer the alcohol into 2 litre-plastic bottles’.

Gumihou: Umm, can’t you do that yourself? I mean, you can put menthos into cola bottles with the cola and pachinko balls and lube into plastic bottles before vanishing said bottles after launching them. So, why???

Everyone, who had been diligently transferring the drinks, suddenly stopped in their tracks.

I guess it looks funny?

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