Tondemo Fanfiction – 002 – Crossover – Delicious in Dungeon

Also, by popular demand, we have…

Dun dun dun~

Crossovers!!

Today’s crossover is with Delicious in Dungeon!

“So, how did we end up here again?” asked Marcille.

“Don’t worry too much about it, you’ll give yourself a headache,” said Chilchuck exhaustedly.

“How can I not worry??!!” Marcille shrieked. “We were just hunting down some walking legendary higher level Walking Mushrooms and suddenly, we’re in a room with a Fenrir, a Dragon and a Slime?!!!”

“Two Dragons, actually,” said Laios. “One of them is a Pixie Dragon. That’s pretty rare. I heard that they feed on special dew or something, but it looks like the report was wrong.”

The monster-crazy Tall-man was currently scribbling into his notebook of monsters as he stared at the little dragon which was nibbling on, of all things, a meat and vegetable sandwich. For some reason, it looked kind of uncomfortable each time Laios stared too hard at it.

“This is so awesome! To think I would get to meet a Fenrir, and a fairly sentient Slime too! Hey there, cutie~”

For once, instead of focusing on food, Laios was seated on the side, playing with a happily bobbing Slime. Chilchuk and Marcille cringed. They had both witnessed that ‘cutie’ destroy an enormous bull monster with a single well-placed Acid Bullet.

“Hey Chilchuk, where did we put those Mandrakes again?”

“It here,” said the Half-foot tiredly as he rummaged through the correct bag and picked out the correct packet immediately. As the party’s locksmith and details guy, he quickly located the item and threw it at the Dwarf.

“These are… Mandrakes?” asked the other Tall-man whom they had unexpectedly encountered in this break room.

“Oho, is this your first time seeing these, Mukouda?” asked Senshi gleefully.

“That’s right, we mostly eat monsters, so…”

“In that case, I will save the heads for you! These are the most delicious parts, it is said that the heads contain 1000 lemons worth of mana, so these would be good for you and your familiars.” He tsked, “I know you like to indulge them, but eating too much meat is not good for their health.”

“I know, right? I always try to feed them some vegetables, but it’s always meat, meat, meat with that quartet.”

“Who wants to eat some stupid leaf!?”

“Fer is the worse of the lot, he’s always complaining-”

To Chilchack’s trained eye, this ‘Mukouda’ person has a rather Eastern look about him. Kind of like Shuro. From the way he muttered and complained, Chilchak could already tell that he must be from that area. The Easterners had always been a bit uptight.

“Mister Mukouda!!” Laios suddenly appeared, bright-eyed and notebook in hand. “You say you mostly eat monsters? Can you tell us what monsters you have eaten? What was their anatomy like? More importantly, do they taste good???”

“Ah, um, even if you ask me that… Ah, let me see, as you know we eat Dungeon Pigs and Cows of course, and uh, Serpents and Orcs-”

“Wait, Orcs!!??” fire suddenly blazed in Senshi’s eyes. “You eat ORCS?!!”

“Uh, um, I mean, it’s fairly common…?”

“You dare…” Senshi had unsheathed his axe and was advancing on the foreign Tall-man.

“W-wait, I don’t understand-”

“Oi! You want to die?”

Ah shit, thought Chilchak as the Fenrir, which had been content to sit by and throw the odd complaint or two suddenly stormed over to snarl at Senshi… and Laios?

“Enough!” Marcille screeched as she thumped her staff on the floor. “Haven’t we already established that this is a pocket dimension outside of both our worlds? I already told you, you cannot judge things here by your own standard!”

“But, they eat Orcs!” Laios wailed.

“And how delicious they were too!” the Fenrir snarled as it licked its lips.

Chilchuck edged away from the possible confrontation, trying hard not to be noticed.

“Um, excuse me,” said Mukouda. “I’m not sure what Orcs from your world are like, but the ones from this side are mostly warrior-like brutes who can’t be reasoned with. They are bipedal and used weapons, but… that’s pretty much it.” Then he added, “The local people had been eating Orcs long before I ever arrived there too.”

“What do you mean by ‘arrived there’? Aren’t you a native of that world?” asked Senshi suspiciously.

“He’s obviously from some Eastern Country,” said Chilchuck reasonably. “Maybe they have a different custom.”

“Y-yes, we do have a different custom,” said Mukouda. “Where I’m from, we raise sheep and cows for meat, I was really surprise to find that the people there hunt down monsters on a regular basis…”

“Wait, you eat monsters on a regular basis!!?” Laios cried. “For real?! Oh man, what I’d give to live in your world~!”

“Stop it, you can’t! We’re on a mission, remember?” Mercille hissed.

“Oh, right. Then, um, do you have any of those Orc meat on you?”

“Laios!!”

“What? That’s the best way to know how different their Orcs are compared to the ones from our world. I’ll know the moment we have a look at the meat.”

If anyone else had said that, Chilchuck would have dismissed it as unfound boasting. However, this was Laios, so…

“Well, if you don’t mind…”

“Nope! I mean, please show us!”

Mukouda still looked uncomfortable, however, he did some hand-wavy thing and stuck his hand into a space in the air and pulled out… an enormous hunk of meat.

“That’s thigh meat,” said Laios immediately. “Although I’ve never seen fat on pork like this before. The Orcs from our world have less fat, from what I saw the last time we were at their village, their diet consisted of mostly vegetables. The kind of fat in this meat is due to a more omnivorous diet. Although it is possible to raise pigs with such high fat ratio, it’s unlikely that domesticated pigs would actually grow to this size. What do you think, Senshi?”

“Kuuhh–” Senshi glared at the meat, but eventually said, “I supposed you’re right. If no one told me that this is Orc meat, I would have thought it was some high-quality Dungeon Pork…”

“How fascinating, I wonder how the land sustains this kind of predator. Do they eat humans for example-”

“Enough!! I don’t want to hear it!” said Marcille loudly.

“Say, let’s cook this Orc meat. Just look at that marbling, I bet it will be delicious when grilled.”

For a moment, nobody said anything. Then, Marcille sniffed. No, she just slurped back the drool that had trickled out of the corner of her mouth.

“Oi! You’re not eating our food!”

“Fer! Don’t be rude! There’s no telling how long we’ll be stuck here,” said Mukouda, because he doesn’t know how to be careful around legendary monsters.

“Yes, Fer, don’t be rude!” said Laios, the other person with zero self-preservation cells in his body. “We’ll share our food too, so-”

“You only have leaves and grass on you! Who wants those miserable things!?”

“Well, I do,” said Mukouda firmly. “Say, do you have seeds or something that I can plant? I’ll throw throw in a crate of beer if you do.”

“Beer!!?” Chilchuck’s ears perked up. “Now you’re talking!”