Volume 3: Chapter 008: Thor: Let’s Ask That Person About the Princess
Author: かっぱ同盟／友麻碧
Link: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n3862be/
Translated by Zzonkedd
Edited by Gumihou
Gumihou: The pacing is all weird. Anyway, used 00 and 00000 to split the blocks of information so that at least we know when things suddenly changed.
Also, I don’t know whether author is ‘showing a different side to Thor’ in all of these inconsistencies when writing Thor’s dialogues, or straying into OOCness in an effort to chase the funnies, but Gumi is going to refer to the Thor from the earlier chapters and avoid us suddenly having a third Percelis in our hands. (The second Percelis is Ulysses, presumably, he is made more childish so that he seemed less pedo-coded)
I’m in a fix.
There is no way things will go well on my part if the princess is allowed to continue to act as she likes. I also realised that my ambiguous attitude towards her meant that I was always being carried away at her pace.
However, the reason why I have not tried to force any boundary was because I knew almost nothing about the princess.
To get out of this fix, I should first try to find out more about Princess Lulu. Information such as what kind of person she is as well as her general situation.
Information is one of the greatest weapons one could have in hand. Depending on the information I get, I could adjust my plans.
00
Well, after learning various things about her, the best plan I had was to bring the light back to her eyes.
There is no way a normal princess could calmly do something as horrible as secretly planting incense to seduce men. Yes, let’s go with the plan of bringing light back into her eyes!
00000
“Oh my, Thor. You’re here to see me without Lady Makia? Is it snowing outside?”
“It’s been a while, Lord Medite.”
00
Since I did not have any specific work in the mornings as the princess’s escort, I paid a visit to a certain someone. Although he kept his distance from the Royal Palace, he has a good nose for information and knew about medicines and poisons.
We did not have a particularly good relationship, but [1] the young head of the Medite family, Lord Urbanus Medite had helped me in various ways before.
He could be found at the Holy Nation’s Magic Research School around this time. I found him in the smoking room with his ever-present strong-smelling pipe. There was another older gentleman there, presumably a teacher, but I only greeted Lord Medite.
“Excuse me, Lord Medite, there is something I wish to consult you about…”
[2] “Yes, yes, I know~ you are Princess Lulu’s personal knight, hmm? Must be troublesome being her knight, eh? Did she used some strange drugs on you? Ahahaha, thus is the danger of being a good-looking man. So, you want to know about Princess Lulu?”
“H-how did you-!!” [3]
That incident only happened last night?
Just what kind of person is he? And where did he get his information from? Is he stalking us somehow?
“Professor Medite… who is that young man?” a hoarse voice came from the other sofa in the room. The old man was trembling so much that the cigar fell out of his mouth.
I quickly picked it up and set it on the ashtray.
That was dangerous…
“Professor Renoirt, this is Thor Sagaram. He’s a rather popular Magic Consultant for the palace. You remember that army of Giant Soldiers from half a year ago, yes? As well as rumours of the young mages who fought them off?”
“Hah? An army?!”
“As expected of Professor Renoirt, you’re a man of great gallant to have completely let go of the past like that.”
Professor Medite and the old man were having a rather strange conversation with each other. I had no idea whether he was being serious or not, but… surely forgetting such an important event was more foolish than ‘gallant’?
Speaking of which, is this old man even capable of standing on his own feet, let alone teach?
[3] “Lord Medite, this is…”
“Ah, this is Professor Renoirt. Despite his appearance, he was once an elite Royal Mage. When it came alchemy, he is such a re-known expert in Ruskia that he is referred to by all as Professor Renoirt.”
“I, see…” [3] I said, not really seeing at all since if this old man was a professor here, surely he would be addressed as ‘Professor Renoirt’ regardless?
“I have been a little forgetful lately…” [4] said Professor Renoirt as he reached out a thin hand for his teacup. “Then again, I have always been the type to let go of things easily…”
“… …” [3] I could not really hear him because I was staring at the teacup in his hand. It was shaking so badly that tea was sloshing over the sides. Deciding to ignore the tea, since neither of the men in the room seemed to noticed, I said, “Lord Medite, I have some inquiries about Princess Lulubeth…”
[3] I trailed off, casting a glance at the trembling old man.
“Ahahaha, no need to worry, did I not mention it earlier? Professor Renoirt was a former Royal Mage, in fact, his full name is Renoirt Esta…” [5] Urbanus Medite smirked at me over his pipe, obviously waiting to see my reaction.
[5] As a Magic Advisor, of course I knew about the Esta vs Medite family feud. They were basically like cats and dogs, oil and water, and the Head of the Royal Palace Mages are almost always from the Esta family.
[5] However, looking at the way these two seated so comfortably together, and how Lord Medite was pointedly not sending the old Esta out, it looked like there was more to the story.
“[5] Tch, it’s always boring to deal with the cool-headed ones,” Lord Medite sighed. Then, he continued and said, “Professor Renoirt has some relations to Princess Lulubeth since her birth. In that, he was expelled from the Royal Magic Academy and forced to drop the ‘Esta’ from his name. However, he was still a brilliant mage regardless, so my father invited him to be a professor at the Research Centre. Now, Thor, you must have guesses as to why?”
[5] Lord Medite still had not abandoned his attempt to play games. So, I indulged him by taking a second look at the old man. The thin old former (?) Esta was sitting in the couch and staring at me through eyes that were surrounded by wrinkled skin.
[2] “How about a hint? Just as the Medite are known for our proficiency in Poison, the Esta also have a speciality of their own. What do you think it is?”
[3] “Divination,” I said, remembering the little trip I took with Makia to Madam Egressa’s place to look for Percelis. I vaguely remember hearing how Percelis had a divination done and… hmm, isn’t that another point of friendly contact between Medite and Esta?
“Indeed, the Esta are good at all kinds of divination. With fortune-telling as their spear, the family had gained a lot of power from the Royal Family throughout the years. Naturally, they could also handle other kinds of magic, and have a… shall we say, rather worldly way of seeing the world. They also have a habit of fostering people of talent and bringing these people into their fold. Now, a question for you. Who is the person the Esta is currently cosying up with?”
“The Queen?” [3] I said feeling like I was at kindergarten again.
“Exactly!!” Lord Medite grinned.
[3] The feeling of being at a kindergarten remained.
“Ahem, the Esta had been under the protection of Queen for the past 20 years. This loyalty had only increased after the birth of the First Prince. The Queen herself came from House Terzier and is the daughter of the Prime Minister. No one in the Esta clan had ever doubted the First Prince’s right to the throne, but… hahaha, the Esta had made a mistake. Right now the First Prince’s fanction is on the decline and practically has no future.”
“[3] And what does this have to do with Princess Lulu,” I asked when it looked like Lord Medite was done speaking.
“Now, now, I am getting to the point, dear Thor. To put it simply, for the First Prince’s faction, the ‘Esta clan’ is a keeper of Princess Lulu’s great secret.”
[3] “…And..?” I said when the dramatic pause after the non-revelation happened for too long.
That was when Professor Renoirt made his dramatic contribution to the topic.
“It all happened… 16 years ago…”
[3] I looked at the two men in the smoking room in exasperation. It looked like there was no way for me to receive any information unless and until I had played their game.
Right now, we have reached the ‘reminiscing’ bit of the play.
[3] From an old, trembly fellow who claimed to habitually ‘forget’ his past.
[3] Joy.
000000
“It all happened 16 years ago. The day that Princess Lulubeth was born… The King was happy to welcome the first princess into the royal family. At that time, I was a Royal Mage who served the King. I was happy to see the Kings so pleased. As was tradition for all members of the Royal Family to have their fortunes told by the Royal Mages, the Princess was no exception. [6] Back then, Royal Mages were considered the best at divining the future however… the Princess’s fortune were, well, they were rather… inconvenient.”
When Professor Renoirt started speaking, there was an odd strength to him that was absent from the trembling old man from before.
[3] Per my role as the ‘devout listener’, I gasped dramatically and said, “What happened? What did the Royal Mage divined?”
[6] Clearly enjoying himself, Professor Renoirt continued in that semi-hushed speaking tone and said, “…It is said that the Princess would be a threat to the First Prince’s claim to the throne, that she would bring harm to her brother. Although all of the children born into the Royal Family were read, it was the first time that such an unfavourable result was ever obtained. At that time, we were all very confused. That is, the King and the Royal Mages were confused… well, the Queen remained strong till the end. She was the one who proposed to have Princess Lulubeth raised in isolation at the Northern Tower. I realised even back then what a painful decision it was for the Queen to put the First Prince above her daughter, but… I also felt that it was all too cruel for the newborn princess…”
Professor Renoirt had replaced his teacup on the table and was now smoking a cigar.
[3] Wait, was that the end of the story? [3a] Also, what’s this nonsense about ‘we never had such an unfavourable result before’? If they ‘never’ did, that meant the entire group Royal Diviners or whatever sucks, considering how nearly every one of them tried to poison or kill each other. How is that not ‘a threat to xxx claims to the throne’?!!
The choking feeling I suffered in the smoking room was mostly from the smoke, but a large part of it was also from the nonsense that I was hearing.
“So, the Princess was sent to the Northern Tower,” [3a] I reiterate, hoping that someone would somehow pick up the hint and continue with this ridiculous story.
“Well, that’s just it. I told the King that although Esta’s divination is treated like prophecies, they are merely warnings and predictions, not something that should be taken too seriously. However, the First Prince’s faction, including the Prime Minister, felt that they could not ignore this divination and went along with the decision to send the princess off to live in isolation at the Northern Tower… [6] I felt sorry for the princess, so I did my best to enlightened the people about the truth about the lack of reliability when it comes to fortune telling. For some reason, the Esta clan were quite outraged and chased me out of the Royal Palace. I must say, I have been indebted to the Medite all this time since I could no longer show my face in front of that family anymore. Hoho.”
“Hah… I see…” [3a] Not really, but someone has to say something to keep the story going, and the other person, Lord Medite, looked like he was enjoying the situation too much to want to hurry things along.
Professor Renoirt had paused to exhale a cloud of smoke into the air and was staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. He was probably looking at past memories [3a] which he had purported to have ‘forgotten’.
I narrowed my eyes slightly.
Something about the princess’s circumstances tugged at my memory, [3b] but for now, I shook my head and tried to get these people to focus.
“Does Princess Lulubeth’s studying abroad have anything to do with this divination?”
“Ahh… the decision to send the Princess to study abroad was decided when the battle for the throne grew fierce. The First Prince’s faction grew especially anxious at Prince Ulysses’ existence, especially since he had proven himself to be incredibly exceptional. I supposed they recalled the prophecy in their worry and decided that sending the Princess out of the country was the best move… Since I do not believe in that so-called prophecy, I thought it was a silly move. Still, the King believed that the Princess would benefit more from studying abroad than being confined in a tower all the time. He must have thought that living a freer life in a beautiful city of art like Gibraltar would be good for her.”
“[3a] A city of art? Didn’t the princess learn all kinds of weird rubbish there?”
Lord Medite burst into laughter.
“Ahahaha! Indeed, [2a] just what on did she learn there?” he snickered. “I supposed she learned a lot about Gibraltar’s special culture!”
[3b] “Special culture,” I said, deadpan. I already have idea what it was, but would like to see what this person had to say about it.
“I wonder… the Kingdom of Gibraltar do have their own princesses, with each princess having seven personal knights to serve them. The princesses there are greatly pampered when Princess Lulubeth arrives without a single personal knight… I imagined that they must not have thought highly of her for not even having a single knight to her name. Apparently, she was even harassed by some of those haughty princesses over there,” said Lord Medite with a grin as he continued to fiddle with his smoking pipe.
At his feet, the Spirit of the White Viper, Olgam lurked, I believe it was trying to look threatening to me.
“Well, it is unclear what made Princess Lulu the way she is now, but a combination of events must have caused an imbalance in her brain functions. Maybe she has a chemical imbalance or something. She had always been hungry for love even as a little girl… If a handsome knight like you showed even the slightest kindness to her, it is understandable for her to become attached…”
“Everything aside, why was the princess called back to Ruskia now? [3a] Surely this is a critical time for the First Prince’s faction? It’s not like she’s engaged in any official duties. Even now, she’s still placed in the remote Northern Tower.”
“Hmm… I wonder why…”
“… …” [3a] This is rapidly going nowhere. I had not learned much at all from them aside from a prophecy which may or may not have been real according to the mage who had made the divination 16 years ago and was banished from his clan for trying to disclaim their family’s ‘divination arts’ as mere ‘fortune telling’.
I stared at the two professors in front of me, one smoking a pipe and the other puffing on a cigar. They gaze at me with cold eyes, obviously not going to say anything else as they observed my reactions.
While I still have many unanswered questions, [3a] I took myself away from the situation. I even thanked them, because I have manners and shit, not because they were particularly helpful in any way.
[Gumihou: The comedic attempts here were really the ‘low-hanging fruit’ type, with random ‘huh’ and ‘eh’ on Thor’s side. Why is he, of all people, shocked when Renoirt is revealed as an ‘Esta’? Sure, ‘everyone’ knows they are enemies, but you as a former Black Demon King consorting with the White Sage and Crimson Witch is even more shocking. The guy didn’t even display as much reaction to the Hero’s sudden appearance. I call bullshit on this ‘eh’ and ‘huh’ reactions as a cheap attempt at comedy.
For everyone’s information, Gumi used to write and give comedic speeches competitively back when Toastmasters still had Humorous Speech Competitions. So, I do know a thing or two about high-class funnies.]
[1] Adjusted information to prevent repetitiveness
[2] Lord Medite-like dialogues
[2a] Answered Thor’s actually intelligent question instead of ‘heehhhh’ dumb-face question.
[3] Thor-like dialogues
One of the deleted inner monologues:
Professor Renoirt is drinking tea, hunched over, holding the teacup with a thin hand. The tea is rippling!! I-I-I-Is he okay!?
This is the… Black Demon King? Really?
[3a] Added details, because the Black Demon King was described as intelligent and logical. Not to mention, probably proficient in physics and architecture, so surely, he would have engaged in some intelligent thought process beyond ‘heeehhhhhh’
[3b] Gumi reduced information here.
[4] Adjusted details for smoother delivery
[5] Adjusted the ‘comedic moments’ from what is essentially ‘fart jokes’ to something more interesting, but not necessarily funny
[6] Former royal mage-ish dialogues.
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